Argh.

Its just heart-breaking.
It's like i have been through it. and I learnt it all.
in fact I have learnt so much that I find it hard to relate to those my age.
So i just keep denying myself. keeping my comments to myself.
i know there are others out there who share similar passions as me.
Those who reside in the house of God.

So everyday in school it is almost like a struggle.
All i can do is cling on to God. for if not i'll be swept away by the current
all the things that displeases God. But strength will rise as we wait upon the lord.

and all i want to see is my friends saved and God glorified.
The lord is teaching me what it means to deny myself.
and it's eating into me so badly, it feels like i'm literally dying.
dying to myself. I can't describe how much I have been going through this year.
but i really want to thank God for opening doors to my friends in church.

people who really would know what i mean when i say, I am desperate to see
my friends saved. to share the same sentiments. It's past mid year.
and Calvin Kang has left. there goes my way out. It's always when god takes away christian friends that i seem to struggle.

whatever it is, I know they are what i need, and they will be with me throughout eternity.
:D

praise the Lord, His Holy and Mighty and majestic name.
For no one who is proud is able to come before him
no one who is not willing to shamed, is fit for glorifying God.

amen!




The joanna's face....


True colors! the game of the day! ha ha (: (:
look at the influence the cell leader has over the girls
He thought we fast enough! ha (: (:

















Yo. yea couple of us kinda went to settlers to play some games! it was kinda short la. but had fun nonetheless! ha ha we play this game in which we had this card which says something like





aliens invaded the earth, and invaded someone's house, who would that person be?





LOL. and we kinda like all looked at Lizzie. (: (: (: you know how weird she can get ha ha. yea but it's basically a game in which we get to know each other i little better by those randon questions. there were things like





Who has the worst handwriting


or who would you not want to sit next to on the airplane ha ( I got the highest votes for that )





its really fun! ha perhaps i would want to purchase it ya?





acutally i havent said how we got to settlers, we were sitting around in the kopitiam stoning and getting really bored and when we were going back, we suddenly had this idea to visit this really nice showflat! and we were all so hyped up abt it and we happily went to the place only to discover that





1. it wasn't built yet


2. there weren't any show rooms





:( ha ha sad la ha. so after that! we went settlers lor! (:



Leaving for Jarkarta tomorrow (:

It's amazing. That life has Moments.
there can be mintutes, seconds, hours and so on...
but then there are moments.

Moments when GOD touches us and reveals HIMSELF to us
or OUR TRUE SELF, to us.

Just now during my reflection upon my devotion, My utmost for his Highest by Oswald Chambers. It talked about ASKING. and what asking really means. He used the example
of a pauper.

I punched in Pauper in an online dictionary and got this definition: A very poor person who needs to receive from Charity.

Asking from God is like a Pauper in need of Charity, Aware of his immense state of poverty, the pauper is not ashamed to beg. He is not ashamed to do crazy things, to embarrass himself or anything. Because he is aware of what his state is, he'd do anything for money.

similarly, God pointed out to me My spiritual reality. If i realise my spiritual reality, i realise I am the pauper. I am Poor, so poor without GOD. So immensely void of truth and so cramped with the evil of the world. I realise I need God so so so so so so much. It is during those times I ask, and tonight I asked. out of a desperate heart.

Help me lead my Cell.
Help me Lead my Life
Help me jump for you
Help me Study for you

(: TATA people! this is my thought for you all to check out!



As I look back.

I see many times when I just feel so beaten by peer pressure. When someone influential
speaks, it is almost like authority which I feel obliged to follow. It seemed like their social
status allowed then to push me around. Or rather, I allow that mindset to make me feel intimidated. Inside, I curl up like a ball and lose myself. I don't act myself, in fear I would not be accepted, in fear the more influential one may not like me. Because I think he may cause me to be unaccepted. Maglined. those times, I feel so pushed around inside, I lost sight of God and who I really am.

As I dwell more and more in God's word, I realise that it is all deception by Satan. To instill fear in me. Satan's primary goal is to cause me to stumble, to make me ineffective to give glory to God. satan uses people's words, criticism and lies to pull me down.

people can have opinions about me, many, they may think im a Christian, and they Hate Christians or they think they are crazy converters who are mind washed by the preaching in church. Their impression of me may be so bad they tell bad things about me to others and so on.

So what am I to do? Shy away? LAY LOW? don't glorify God? Don't mention His name? be ASHAMED? BLEND IN?

In my opinion, I don't think so, Because I was told to Fear GOD Rather than Man. and i don't care what people think, I stick to my beliefs, and Love like Jesus did. What would you do? Blend in? or stand for Jesus?